Thursday, July 8, 2010

I'm Baaaack, and unable to dispatch the undead

Okay, so I know nobody is reading this blog anymore, and why would you? I haven't posted on here for a year for God's sake. If you're still checking this thing for content then you really ought to get some form of a life. Join a gym, start collecting taxidermied animal parts or stalk a celebrity or something because that's just sad.

The reasons I stopped posting were many and justified, but who cares right? The point is I missed this blog. I thought I would be fine with my other creative outlets but I'm not. I can't cuss on them first of all, nor can I relate things such as this:

I tried to kill a vampire in my dream last night. I kept stabbing him over and over again with an orange colored pencil (it was all I could find that was stake-like) but I couldn't seem to locate his heart and I just kept thinking, "Jesus Christ, I've got to be close to it right, maybe nicked an artery or something!" and then he walked away and came at me from another angle and I got behind him and started stabbing his back thinking I could pierce his heart from the back but nothing was happening.

So I start thinking maybe I'm stabbing the wrong side of him and then I'm looking down at my own chest and re-enacting placing my hand over my heart for the national anthem - you know to refresh my memory and make sure the heart is on the left and then I'm doing the whole, okay, so do I stab his left or my left and then I realize "Stupid bitch you're both facing the same direction, keep stabbing him on the left!". Thankfully he stood patiently and waited for me to figure it out.

Then as I'm stabbing in vain, another vampire comes into the room but I don't have to stab him because he's my roomate's boyfriend (don't ask me where the roomate came from she just appeared when vampire 2 showed up but in my dream this seemed normal). So the guy I'm stabbing sees that this vamp is co-existing with us humans and he realizes that he can shake off the societal shackles of his species predatory nature and doesn't have to suck me dry and then he's all like, "I know you've just attempted to kill me at least 50 times, but let's put all that behind us and make out."

Now first of all I'm just really frustrated because I've always thought that stabbing would be my thing right. I've always felt that if I had to kill someone I'd be pretty adept with a dagger you know. Don't ask me why it's just a thing I have okay. I don't actually plan on stabbing anyone so chill. So there I was unable to even stake a vampire who's just standing still and letting me stab him repeatedly. It was demoralizing really but I rationalized that the fault lay in my implement rather than my skill alone. A colored pencil really shouldn't have been my weapon of choice. After all shouldn't vampires be staked with wood? And while there is obviously wood in a colored pencil is there really enough? Did the fault lie in the fact that I was impaling him with colored graphite (or whatever colored pencils are made of) instead of a nice sturdy sharpened stick? I concluded that it was so and then felt perfectly at ease taking him up on his offer of making out. Which by the way is really awkward when fangs are involved.

And it was at that point that I woke up and realized that I've been watching way too much True Blood.

See. Where else am I going to be able to express something like that? Maybe a psychiatrist's office but I don't have the time nor the adequate health coverage for that - and hence the Rambling Amy blog is officialy back up and running.

Now I can't guarantee I'll be posting incredibly often but I shall try my best and if anyone is still reading or starts reading, I'd like to apologize in advance for the crap you're going to have to scroll through.

1 comment:

Gab shack Administrator said...

yea so glad you are back. missed your ramblings