Bad Chianti, Good Fun, and Projectile Vomit

We hosted a game night(board games and Guitar Hero) at our house this weekend. The guest list consisted of my husband’s co-workers, most of whom I had never met, and my 2 best friends. Things went really well, especially for it being one of my parties since they’re notoriously awful.

One of Matt’s friends brought a Chianti from her home town in Italy and even though I’m not much of a wine drinker and the only thing I know about Chianti is what I learned from watching Silence of the Lambs (that cannibalistic psychopaths enjoy it with human liver and fava beans), I thought I’d give it a try. After the first sip I almost wished I had a human liver to chew on just to take the taste of it out of my mouth! I wanted to be a good host though so I proceeded to sip it until I could work my way to the bedroom and stash the cup in my sock drawer.

I genuinely liked the majority of the attendees. One gal in particular caught my eye. She was very nice, chatty but not annoying, interested in the kids, excellent board game player, not too skinny, perfect new friend material and since I’ve only got 2 ½ friends I could use another. I’m really awkward though with friendship beginnings. My strategy is to tell Matt to tell her that I want her to be my new #2 friend. Technically I want her to be my #3 friend but that just doesn’t sound as good as offering her the #2 position so I’d just tell her she was #2 until I knew her well enough that she could perhaps actually knock off my #2 and rightfully earn the title. Maybe I should just do one of those yes or no notes that were oh so helpful in junior high.

One couple though seemed less than thrilled with my company and when I talked to Matt about it afterward he thought it might be due to the fact that they’re bible thumping Baptists and well let’s just say that I, and my 2 best friends didn’t realize we needed to censor our normal witty banter that’s perpetually peppered with mild profanity and plenty of blasphemy. Taking the Lord’s name in vain is pretty much a hobby for me. I’m not quite sure what Matt was thinking inviting them or why he didn’t issue the warning to us beforehand. Inviting a Baptist to my house is pretty much like inviting Jesus to a comedy club on Jesus Joke night:

Why can't Jesus eat M&M's? ---------They keep falling through his hands.

Why did Jesus cross the road? ------- Because he was nailed to the chicken!

Oh come on now, don’t act so shocked (that chicken one was pretty bad though). I'm confident that God doesn’t mind! He has a twisted sense of humor too – how do I know? Because I’ve seen myself naked.

By far, my favorite part of the evening was when Aaron threw up all over one of the guests. He’d been uncharacteristically quiet all day and had actually been sick a little bit that morning but it was during a coughing fit so we didn’t really associate it with any flu like symptoms. However, as my friend Carrie was taking her leave – since she had another function to attend, she bent down to give the boy a kiss and he obliged, and then turned his head and projectile vomited on the pant leg of the nearest guest. I spent the rest of the evening torn between concern for him, embarrassment for having my kid throw up on someone, and trying to stifle my laughter at the hilariousness of it all.

Can’t wait till the next game night!