Tuesday, August 28, 2007

If I wanted to ship them to Brazil it would be $37 third class, and $69.50 for express delivery.

I finally did it. I weighed my tits. Why? Well first of all for curiosity sake. I mean I've been lugging these things around for years and I'd like to know how much they really weigh. Secondly, I've been contemplating having breast reduction surgery sometime and I'd like to go into the Doctor's office and say "hey can you shave about X amount of lbs. off these things for me" so I feel I need to know their actual weight.

So when Shawna and I were trying to fashion a pair of tits out of cake (a practice run for her hubby's birthday cake - don't worry Matt we abandoned the boob cake idea) it hit me that it was the perfect opportunity to weigh the girls. Boobs were forefront in our minds, I had a kitchen scale and someone to read the weight, so off went the bra and plop went the mammaries.

Now it was completely unscientific and I don't think it was real accurate. It was a difficult undertaking. It's not like I could detach the things and slap them on the scale. I had to try and let the full weight of them rest on the scale without leaning too far - therefore pushing more weight onto the scale, but then at the same time, I couldn't hold back too much therefore pulling weight off the scale.

I don't feel comfortable divulging their actual weight because for some reason I find that too personal to share, and yet I'm not finding it too personal to describe in detail how I weighed my own boobs on a kitchen scale. That's slightly odd isn't it? Oh well, I never claimed to be normal. But anyway I have to say that I was disappointed. I was expecting a wow factor. A moment of "My Lord I can't believe they're that heavy!" and well I just didn't get it. They came in at a much lighter weight than I would have expected and Shawna is convinced that they must weight more than what the scale showed but we did make several attempts and got the same result so I guess it's fairly accurate, or as accurate as you can get weighing your own body parts on a kitchen scale.

The more I thought about it though, and the more I compared the weight to other objects, the more I realized that they really are heavy. I mean imagine walking around with a newborn baby strapped to your chest at all times. That's the kind of weight we're talking here. And just think - when I had Gwen and she was attached to my boob 24/7 it was technically like I was smuggling twins under my shirt.

So to put things in perspective I gathered a bunch of household objects and weighed them to help you, the home viewer, envision what my poor defenseless bra is forced to hold up and try to make perky day after day. My boobs are as heavy as:

Books 1, 2, 3, and 4 of the Harry Potter series - hardback of course

A full bottle of laundry detergent AND Woolite.

7 cans of vegetables

Looks like my bra could double as a shopping bag huh?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I seriously ran and grabbed my HP books to compaire and they do compair. Funny how after compairison I am convinced the scale was right.