Sunday, November 11, 2007

I am woman, watch me pee - standing up!

Now if you'll recall from a previous post, Aaron had some questions as to why Momma sits down to pee and I had informed him it was because he had a penis and I did not. Well I think some of it is starting to sink in because the other day in the bathroom - a public restroom of course - he says - in his loudest toddler voice - "Momma I stand up to pee because I have a penis and you sit down and pee with your butt." Now I was proud that he was getting it but I wanted to correct him and tell him the proper term for what Momma uses to pee, and shockingly enough I didn't know what to say. I was going to say vagina, but that's not really what I pee from now is it. I mean I wanted to be correct here. So I said, "Momma pees from her urethra" though I wasn't realy sure if that was the proper thing to say.

So I asked Matt what the proper term was and he said to use "vagina" and when I voiced my concerns on the accuracy of that he said, well isn't it your ulva, and I'm like no, are you thinking of the uvula? that thing that hangs down in the back of your mouth? To which of course he gave me the "I'm not an idiot" look, and rightfully so, sorry dear.

I thought I'd do a little online research to find out what term I should use, and possibly get some insights on how other parents tackle the body part discussions with their kids. My results indicated that I was correct - and urethra, anatomically speaking, is accurate however men have a urethra too and plus it's hard to say so most people use the term "vagina" oh and the Vulva is the catchall term for everything - vagina, labia etc. just in case anyone was wondering.

However, in my anatomical search I stumbled across a link for this site about how women can pee standing up using a device. I mean at first I thought it was a joke, but then lo and behold - there it was. An entire world opening up to me. A world where a woman could write her name in the snow and make use of that fabulous flap on the front of flannel pajama pants.

Now of course I had to research even further and I found several sites about this phenomen. Here are a few links.

The P mate:
It's basically a fancy cardboard box with a wax coating - like those chinese take-out boxes" - that acts as a funnel.

The Sweet Pee:
Now this one looks absolutely terrible. I mean it's like a foot long and they recommend you use it facing away from the toilet. Must have been invented by a man - trying to keep us squatting! Plus they're too discreet to show a picture of the actual product anywhere on the site, just these illustrations. If someone's willing to use a funnel to piss in a toilet, I don't think they're going to mind seeing an actual picture of it on the screen.
The Travelmate:

Which is my personal favorite because they sell an optional carrycase - you can tell everyone it's a pair of sunglasses. The other reason it's my favorite is because it looks the most like an actual dick and if you're gonna use something like this then I say go all the way. It's only 6 inches long too which is both discreet and realistic.

Now as great as I think these products are, I couldn't help but notice a faint sound from within. It was my inner feminist and she was screaming, "what is this? Penis envy? How is this furthering the cause? Instructing women to don faux penises in order to "pee like a man" why can't we pee like a woman - just do it standing up!" And that's when I found this site:

which details the proper technique for a woman to pee standing up - with the use of only her hand. We can do it ladies, and here are the instructions, with some useful insights from real women who have mastered the skill.

I was a little disturbed though from some of the comments from women who said they loved that they don't have to stand in line for the ladies room anymore. They just go in to the mens and use the urinal. Now I don't know first of all that I would have the guts for that and second of all, I don't know that I'd really recommend it for anyone who's single. I mean imagine trying to get a guy to take your number when you're very first encounter was in the mens room and involved a conversation about the lack of urinal cakes.

I think it's a skill that could come in handy. I'm thinking I should work on it - though obviously I wouldn't need to do it at home, because my toilet is clean for one, and it would really confuse the kid then, but imagine the rumors that could get started at work when people start noticing that my feet are always facing towards the toilet. Oh, and think how it would come in handy when I have to pee when I have Gwen with me. I could hold her in one arm and pee with the other without having to put her down and watch her play the "how many bacteria-infested surfaces can I touch and lick" game.

1 comment:

Shawna said...

I looked at the standing while pee web site. Who knew so many women were troubled with this problem. I loved the woman who found it bothersome to have to pull her pants down to pee. But now all she has to do is unzip and pee through the zipper, she even says there is no drippping. I am in awe!! I must meet her. See it done. I will avoid shaking her hand.