So Matt wanted to watch the Nathan’s hot dog eating competition on ESPN on the 4th and I figured why the heck not – you can’t get any more American than watching people stuff themselves with processed white flour buns and amalgamated meat products. Now if you’ve never watched one of these then you’re really missing out.
There was a half hour pre-show to discuss the history of the competition, and to have little profiles of the main contestants. The 6 time champion, from Japan was in danger of losing the title due to a recent wisdom tooth extraction which left him with jaw arthritis. I mean this is drama with a capital D! Would he be able to perform? Then there was the up and coming American competitor valiantly fighting to bring the Mustard belt (yes that’s what they call it) back to the U.S. It was both the most hilarious and the most pathetic thing I’ve seen in my entire life. Kind of like the movie Dodgeball.
Well in the end the American won by shoving 66 hot dogs down his throat in 12 minutes. I had to look away from the screen for the majority of the competition. It was like watching someone throwing up but instead of just letting it all shoot out like the spinning head scene of The Exorcist, they’re shoving it right back in their mouths.
Now to me, the best part of the entire experience was that they were advertising the upcoming Rock, Paper, Scissors competition, to be aired on ESPN on 7/7/07 – set your Tivo folks. It sounded so utterly ridiculous that I had to check it out. Two contestants face each other, with a referee to make sure that the signs are “thrown” at exactly the same time so neither player has an edge. The best 2 out of 3 makes up a “bout” and then there are 3 bouts per match. The winner gets $50,000!
Now this is legitimate stuff. They even have their own lingo. A win by 3 successive rocks is called an avalanche, 3 scissors is a tool box, and 3 papers is called confetti. It’s hilarious! But I’m thinking maybe I should start practicing for next year. I throw a mean rock – which is my favorite sign to throw. That $50,000 could be mine next year!
Here’s a link to their website: http://www.usarps.com/rules/ I found their “rules” page exceptionally entertaining.