In a few years we’ll be watching the “Preparation H hemorrhoid Relief Bowl” instead of the “Super Bowl”

I like to balance out my son’s consumption of oreos, peanut butter, and string cheese with at least one fruit and/or vegetable serving per day, and bananas are one of his favorites so we usually have some in the house. A few months ago I noticed that they had cute little stickers with Curious George on them instead of the normal Dole or Chiquita stickers. I can handle that – slapping a children’s character on a healthy food is OK with me, plus he’s a monkey so it makes sense. It does NOT make sense that he’s a monkey but doesn’t have a tail, I mean every species of monkey has a tail; shouldn’t a fictional monkey have a tail? When you think of monkeys don’t you always envision the tail???? – okay sorry I’m getting off topic.

However, this morning I noticed that one of our bananas had a sticker with the picture of a squeeze bottle of Reese’s ice cream topping and the words “Topping Section”. Now first of all, I don’t really see the need to advertise anything on a banana, and secondly don’t you think that’s kind of a stretch? I mean, what’s the correlation? Somebody’s buying bananas to make a banana split and they’re thinking “boy I wish I could find a new unique topping” and bam, they’ll look down at the banana and run right to the “topping section’ of the store for that bottle of Reese’s peanut butter and chocolate topping? They’re kind of reaching there don’t you think. In my high school sex-ed class they used bananas to illustrate how to correctly put on a condom – perhaps Trojan should consider banana sticker advertising?

Now I shouldn’t be surprised. Advertising is everywhere now. Heck I’m even thinking about placing some internet ads on this blog in the hopes of raking in about 10cents a month in profit for this crap that I write. So can I really blame the banana growers of the world for selling out? Think of the possibilities. Everyone eats bananas, young and old, male and female. Anything could be advertised – tampons, male enhancement pills, Donkey Kong video games, wart remover, garbage bags. Why stop at Bananas? Why not encase every single grape with its own little sticker advertisement for hair gel or pet shampoo?

Maybe I could sell ad space on these gigantic boobs of mine. I mean they’re almost the size of a billboard, and I move around – think of the audience I could reach! Or maybe I could get a hair stylist to advertise on one of my headbands. It could say "Don't let hair like this happen to you - Call Betsy at 555-5555 for an appointment". I need to make some calls.