Just like spitting tobacco juice in a Pepsi Can

Bing Cherries are in season, and I think it’s an understatement to say that I enjoy Bing cherries. I LOVE THEM. I love their color, their texture and of course their taste. I buy at least 2 pounds of them at a time and often can easily eat them all within a week. The pitfall (pun intended) of the cherry is the pit.

I don’t own a cherry pitter, because really your teeth and tongue do a quite sufficient job on their own and who wants to sit there and put the cherry in this plier-type device and rip the pits out one by one and turn your fingers all red? Besides if you pit them manually then you lose the stem as well and the fun part about eating a cherry is picking it up by the stem and guiding it into your mouth and then plucking the stem off. Can you tell I enjoy the process of eating and all things food related?? This is what I look like in my own mind each time I eat a cherry. Notice how the bad hair permeates even my fantasies.

Anyway, my point is that eating cherries requires a “pit cup” unless of course you’re eating them outside in which case you just spat them at the nearest squirrel. Now I often take my cherries to work to eat them because I LOVE THEM, and the process of eating them at work breaks up the monotony of the day. I use a paper cup from the break room, and all afternoon today my coworkers have had the joy of hearing not only the clicking of my keyboard but the gentle “ptoo” and “plop” of me spitting seeds into my cup. I try to be discreet and I cover the top of the cup with a paper towel so that if someone comes to my desk they’re not staring at a cup full of saliva-marinated cherry pits.

The process kind of reminds me of guys who chew tobacco. I went to college in Missouri so I’ve met quite a few and one of my friend’s husbands used to chew as well and whenever we went somewhere he’d bring along an empty can of Pepsi and spit in it all night when we were in the car or some other public place where it wasn’t proper for him to spat on the floor/ground. I always thought it was extremely disgusting. I mean seriously, just take up smoking, it will kill you faster, the cancer will go straight to your lungs rather than mutating your jaw, plus smoking doesn’t require you to carry around a can of your own saliva wherever you go.

So I hope my cherry pit expectoration isn’t as gross as that. It’s not like I carry the cup and cherries around with me in the halls. Even if it is that gross I’m not going to quit, that is unless they come up with a bing cherry cigarette.